FURIOUSLY PISSED THE HELL OFF!!

OK So I had a good day up until the mail came. We got a package from Dana,(his ex,the kids mom) and inside was a bunch of art projects that Halie made for us and also a letter from Halie,was sweet! Dana had also sent some pics of the kids, and my babies are growing up! I cant wait until the end of next month when they are home again. I am wondering what crawled up her ass but for the moment I am not gonna question it..

So what has me pissed off is that the mail from Anthony came addressed to Angeline,of course I opened it. It was a birthday card and 10 bucks. I cant understand why he is behind thousands in child support because he "says" he doesnt have the money and cant even pay his bills. Ok, soo if he cant afford to do any of that then how in hell is he able to send the measly bday card and $? He has not done anything what so ever for her or Toni in close to 5 years,so why start now? I know I should be grateful he is at least doing that but it still makes me want to vomit and my blood boil. I seriously want to rip it up n not even tell Angeline she got it, because as small as she was when we left Ga for good, both her and toni witnessed and had gone thru  a great deal of trauma, and abuse and because of that, thats one of the reasons they both go to see a psychiatrist and angeline is in therapy. Anytime she has some sort of contact w/Anthony whatso ever from him, when he does call on the rare occaision, or anything she has nightmares and basically regresses. She will suck her thumb, (something she hasnt done in almost a year,when she begun therapy) and even goes as far as having accidents. But then again I thought of just giving her the money and ripping up the card.  In your opinon,what would you guys do?

I dunno..

Why oh why am I feeling like this? I am having some serious doubts about myself,more so than ever. I have always been super extremely self consious and it seems like after the twins, it got worse. I am down 1 pants size than I was b4 i had the babies, and yes I am loving that,but i cant help but wonder if he would be happy with someone else. Basically what I am trying to say, is I just dont feel good enough for him,I am not the best looking person in the world and today I couldnt help be hurt.. We went to lunch before grocery shopping and I was trying to get Embree situated and I glanced up and I caught him checking out one of the waitresses.. I have kept myself at a distance from him since then. Thank goodness when we got home,he got a phone call from the guy buying the camaro and he said he was on his way out to put the distributor on it. I made an excuse to go to the dollar store just to get away. Then when I got home I started making dinner. Wrestlemania was on and that occupied his time from 6-10pm.
I know I am over reacting but dang it, to see him looking at the waitress like that hurt. He has never looked at me that way.. I am confused I dunno what to do. I am constantly tired, from getting very little sleep,and it seems I am always always on the go, whether it be to n from dr appt with various children, or counseling sessions for angeline. I never had any time for myself. I am tired of just getting a shower, brushing my hair and making myself barely presentable. Today before we left, i took the time to do my hair, and I put some make up on. You would think he would notice, but nope..  I have tried talking to him but he brushes it off like its nothing, and makes me feel as if its all in my head. blah!!!!