Why oh why am I feeling like this? I am having some serious doubts about myself,more so than ever. I have always been super extremely self consious and it seems like after the twins, it got worse. I am down 1 pants size than I was b4 i had the babies, and yes I am loving that,but i cant help but wonder if he would be happy with someone else. Basically what I am trying to say, is I just dont feel good enough for him,I am not the best looking person in the world and today I couldnt help be hurt.. We went to lunch before grocery shopping and I was trying to get Embree situated and I glanced up and I caught him checking out one of the waitresses.. I have kept myself at a distance from him since then. Thank goodness when we got home,he got a phone call from the guy buying the camaro and he said he was on his way out to put the distributor on it. I made an excuse to go to the dollar store just to get away. Then when I got home I started making dinner. Wrestlemania was on and that occupied his time from 6-10pm.
I know I am over reacting but dang it, to see him looking at the waitress like that hurt. He has never looked at me that way.. I am confused I dunno what to do. I am constantly tired, from getting very little sleep,and it seems I am always always on the go, whether it be to n from dr appt with various children, or counseling sessions for angeline. I never had any time for myself. I am tired of just getting a shower, brushing my hair and making myself barely presentable. Today before we left, i took the time to do my hair, and I put some make up on. You would think he would notice, but nope.. I have tried talking to him but he brushes it off like its nothing, and makes me feel as if its all in my head. blah!!!!
I've had this issue before, too. And it does hurt. It's hard for a man to understand, I think. So that is why he seems to just "brush it off" because guys don't get all the self-image issues that women have to deal with. All he knows is he picked you, he loves you and so what's the big deal?
ReplyDeleteYou need to make time for YOU!! If it's the weight you are concerned with, set aside a certain time when you and he both know that is YOU time to go to the gym or whatever. Don't lose yourself in all the stuff for the kids, Hunny. Then you won't be happy and if you ain't happy, nobody's happy! ;o) I know that setting a certain time aside each day w/ life in the military is difficult, but even if it is a few times a week and not every day or if you have a friend who could watch the babies so you could get some exercise, a shower, and do your hair it'd make you feel better, I think.
Anyway, these are my thoughts and suggestions. ((((HUGS))))
As far as the weight is concerned, I have been working on that since the babies were born. So far so good with that. I dont really have anyone who is willing to take on both babies. I have one cousin who would but she is always busy. On the very rare occaision, i do catch her, she does watch the girls, sometimes all four. I have tried to set some time for just myself, and it usually gets interuppted...I am afraid of that happening,just that I am soo busy with the kids, I will forget who "kendra" is.
ReplyDeleteHe most certainly did pick you !! He wanted to be with you and have a family. I understand the whole not feeling good enough but you just gotta remind yourself that he loves you the way you are!!!!!! If you feel like there's something you want to change, do it for yourself though not anybody else :)
ReplyDeleteHoney, 1- you are BEAUTIFUL! 2- you need to take time to do for yourself, even if it's an hour out of the day, 3- a man could be with the hottest super model out there and STILL having roving eyes, it's what they do and since they know we know it's "what they do" they don't understand that it does hurt us. I think you need to just yank him aside and say "Look, I love you, but I NEED some US time, and I NEED you to give me some ME time, even if it's 2 hours on Sat or Sun, to do something ME related" and if he has an issue with it, do it anyway. We've all been there sweetie, you just have to find a way to deal with the situation.
ReplyDeleteI completely understand...I have felt like that on numerous occasions and it does really really hurt. Men will probably never understand but don't let that stop you from talking to him about it. If you keep those feelings inside and all bottled up it will make it worse..I know it is so hard to get ME time with just 3 kids so I can imagine how hard it is for you. You are beautiful and he loves you! That waitress is eye candy...just think about all the times you have looked at a celebrity...like Tyrese or Vin Diesel or the Rock! Same thing really! LOL..I am here if you ever need to talk :)
ReplyDeletei think we all struggle with this. even when i was in high school and 110 pounds i still felt disgusting because there were girls way smaller than me. its crazy how self conscious we are as women. wonder why men dont feel the same way?? but they all say confidence is the sexiest thing so does that mean we should all just run around naked and act like we should be on the cover of a magazine? lol
ReplyDeleteKendra, I agree with what everyone else has said - the only thing I have to add to the pot is that I have learned from experience (and girl you know I've had my share of trouble in a relationship) that you have to do you. Make time for Kendra. It doesn't matter if you are going anywhere during the day or not, you get up and get dressed, do your hair and make up... whatever it is that makes you feel good about yourself during the day, and then make time for you.... go do something for yourself like a pedicure or getting your hair done at least once a month.... whatever you have to do to make KENDRA feel good about herself. And then everything else will fall into place because when he sees you doing you, he's going to want to do you too ;)
ReplyDeleteYou know what Sam probably tells me alot how beautiful I am and how he only wants me and I'll just call him a liar. Guys just do not get it. So rather its not getting enough attention or even if the attention there if you are unhappy with yourself no one else is going to make you happy.
ReplyDeleteYou are beautiful as you are. We all are. Is there a healthier weight? Well maybe for some of us ya. But what matters is how you feel in the inside. Big beautiful or skinny beautiful. Its the inside. So if you are feeling bad on the inside cause of the outside then its something you need to do for you. Not anyone else. Because like I said till you feel good about it it won't matter what anyone else says.
Atleast thats how I feel with myself.
((((KENDRA))))
I wish men....a husband could see what we see in the mirror for once. so maybe they understand how feel for once. Also in some way I would like to see what they see when they look at us.
ReplyDeleteAmy you said it. Will does the same thing. I tell him go get his glasses checked.